wizardpotions:

The reason wizards wear lots of jewelry is for self defense.

I shoot a beam at my wizard nemesis but it reflects flawlessly off of his Claire accessories clip on earrings, killing me instantly.

cryptotheism:

There is a level of mad delusion only accessible to syphilitic inbred European monarchs and upper middle class Americans trying to start a small business.

csevet:

statistically someone will end up being The Last Shopper In Target At Closing Time, so here’s some little reminders in case someday that person is you

  • yes, the employees are tired and would like you to leave so they can close the store and go home
  • if you are a normal human about it and treat the employees like they are humans, you will all be okay
  • when the “The Store Is Now Closed” announcement is read, it is absolutely no-exceptions time to stop shopping and head up to the front. there were 3-4 other announcements preceding that one.
  • any staff still on the floor will probably call on their walkie-talkies that they see you, some identifiable piece of clothing (grey jacket, green hat, etc), and the direction you are going.
  • you do not have to self-flagellate your apology, a friendly “i’m so sorry, i’m ready to go now!” is enough
  • if you realize at checkout that you forgot something, do the following calculation:
  1. if you can live without it until tomorrow morning, just finish the transaction and deal with it tomorrow
  2. if you can’t live without it for the next ten hours (baby formula. tampons. i get it) PLEASE tell the person helping you, or one of the half-dozen other front-of-store staff waiting to close the lanes. it is likely someone will RUN to get the thing for you. we want you to get your shit and leave!

and most importantly of all:

  • getting belligerent, screaming, cursing out the front end managers and staff, and otherwise making a problem of yourself will get you absolutely nowhere except kicked out, potentially without any of the stuff you wanted.